Captivating

so i just started reading captivating. it's amazing. the last chapter i read i realized something. my longings to be loved aren't unusual. i know that every girl wants to be loved and noticed. but sometimes you feel like you're the only one with those desires. in the book, Stasi, one of the writers, explained how, starting from a very young age, every girl desires to be told she is beautiful and loved. my longing to be noticed isn't unusual. this last chapter i read (chapter 3), i realized something else. that longing i have, instead of filling it with God, drawing closer to Him, i fill that void with something else. in my case, i make up stories about what it would be like to be going out with a certain guy. i go through everything from when we first express our like for each other to the day we get married. i think of how he would always tell me that he loves me and how beautiful i am. instead of going to God for those affirmations, i look to my stupid stories. then it's like i almost become addicted. the minute i feel lonely, i start these stories again. it's so stupid. i've realized this so many times before, but i guess i never really realized why i was doing this. now i know. so i now longer want to make up those stories and i've been doing good lately. instead of thinking of those stories, i pray. so hopefully i will continue to do good.

so far this book is amazing. i can't wait to go through more of it and discover new things!